BY JORGE BONILLA
You see, I’ve come to expect a certain special degree of unhinged cray from my Congressman (yes, I live in the 9th Congressional District), as Javier pointed out the other day via the NRCC (side note to the NRCC: thanks for showing up guys, it would’ve been nice to see you when Grayson and Nancy Pelosi’s House Majority PAC were meddling in the FL-9 GOP primary, or in the general election, for that matter…but I digress). But what Grayson delivered next is sheer boredom.
From Grayson’s Sequestergeddon scare-mongery blast e-mail:
The U.S. Army has discovered that a small round white object, when hurled from close range at the upper extremities of an enemy combatant, can have a devastating impact, sometimes inducing unconsciousness. Deploying this weapon often results in immediate disorientation in the enemy combatant, reflected in his abrupt non-vertical motion and transient imbalance. The Army refers to these powerful weapons as “Ballistic White Spherical Objects,” or BWSOs.
Although it packs quite a wallop, the BWSO is surprisingly compact. It measures only nine inches in circumference, small enough for a properly trained U.S. soldier to hold one in each hand. A fully-functional BWSO weighs only five ounces, making it practical for a U.S. soldier deployed on the battlefield to carry several of them, simultaneously, in his kit.
Remarkably, U.S. military experiments have demonstrated that the BWSO is completely resistant to electromagnetic pulses (EMPs), and other advanced electronic countermeasures. In the wake of an EMP caused by a nuclear blast, BWSOs evidently will continue to function in the prescribed manner, unless they are vaporized.
Ten more paragraphs of turgid baseball-as-weapons system shtick follow, before we get our demagoguey payoff:
We cannot leave America defenseless. We cannot let the terrorists win. Remember, they hate us because we are free. But the cost of that freedom is precisely whatever the current military budget happens to be, before any terrorist-coddling sequester cuts.
Virtually all of the media coverage of the impact of the sequester on the US military-industrial complex has focused on the loss of jobs, as if hiring people to kill other people is some kind of national full-employment program. But having read all the way down to here, at least you, Dear Reader, you understand that there is a lot more at stake.
Oh, and we’re also cutting the air traffic control budget by nine percent. That should have some interesting consequences.
It takes a special brand of proglodyte to smear the brave men and women of our military as part of some PWA-from-hell, without even breaking a sweat. Grayson’s known for the snappy “Die Quickly” stuff, but this is vintage stuff. That this man returned to Congress would be nothing short of absurdist comedy were not so much at stake. Thanks again, NRCC.
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